Whip your Approach Anxiety into Submission

You’re standing at the bar and suddenly she walks in.  That stunning beauty dressed to tease with all the finest jewelry and eyes to kill.  All of the attraction alarms are going off in your head.  Immediately you want to approach her, to at least make an attempt to seal the deal.  This girl is way too hot to pass up!  However, the second you take a step closer to her, your heart starts to pound harder.  Your hands get a little shaky and the feeling of nervousness pulsates throughout your body.  The closer you get, the harder it pounds, until final you just give up and pretend you were walking to another part of the bar.  All of a sudden you find yourself on the other side of the room, occasionally glancing over at her hoping that you can somehow muster up the courage to approach her again.  Guess what, you have a case of approach anxiety my friend!

Fortunately, you are not the only one who experiences this phenomenon.  Every guy has approach anxiety at some point in their life (unless they’re a born natural).  Myself and Nicholas have wrestled with the same problem as well.  Many have overcome their anxiety, but it takes work and commitment.


The reason that your anxiety occurs is because you have put this girl, whoever she is, on a pedestal.  She is so attractive to you physically that you sort of build her up in your mind.  So much so that she becomes an impossible target for you to reach.  You need to avoid doing this.  You need to have that care-free attitude where you could literally care less what she thinks of you.  You also need to sort of look at her as if she is just any other girl (which she is).  She’s a human too, with thoughts and feelings just like you.  Heck, she’s probably just as anxious about meeting someone as attractive as you are!

Another thing you need to do is not see yourself as “below” her.  You need to know your own self-worth.  You are a worthwhile guy with talents and ambitions.  You are the prize stallion, and any girl would be lucky to have you because you would treat them better than any guy in the room.  Don’t get too cocky now; just know that you have value too.  It is important to work on your mindset before you get into the mechanics of “the approach.”

The best way to work on your approach anxiety is to practice, practice, practice.  Seriously though, if you don’t start somewhere then you will never get good at it.  I would suggest starting with “day game.”  When you’re out shopping somewhere during the day, just start randomly talking with people (preferably women).  Don’t be creepy about it, and don’t make it an approach per say.  Just strike up random short conversations with people around you.  It can be about any topic, even asking the girl where the cereal is in the supermarket.  The point is to get practice talking to strangers.  Then you can move onto talking to girls in clubs/bars.

Girl black dress

When you first start out talking to girls in clubs and bars, don’t put so much pressure on yourself like you “have to approach girls.”  Just go out and have the mindset that you’re going to have fun no matter what.  Then when you’re there, just strike up random conversations with any woman around you, whether you’re attracted to her or not.  The point is to have fun socializing and to practice talking to women.  You’ll slowly start to see yourself become a more sociable guy, and your anxiety about talking to women will disappear.  Then you will no longer put so much pressure on yourself to talk to that “hot girl” by the bar.  She will just be another person you’re socializing with.  If she’s cool and worth your time, then YOU can decide if you want to try to escalate things.


Pierre VonAyre