There are those who will take risks, even if they make mistakes, and will eventually succeed. They don’t let their fears or anxieties stop them. They also use their mistakes as an opportunity to learn. In fact, they almost go for the rejection because they know inwardly that they will learn more from them. Then there are those who make every excuse in the book. They continuously psych themselves out to the point where they barely make an approach at all.
I would say that most guys are like the later gentleman that I described above, which I believe is mostly due to a form of fear. Fear will cause you to make any excuse you can so that you don’t have to go through with an approach. It’s not even a fear to approach specifically, I have friends that have no problem approaching a woman, but start making excuses when it comes to asking for a number.
Whatever the cause is for your excuses, stop right now! Stop saying things like, “I can’t dance now, I just need one more beer” or “No man I’m not going to approach her, she’s out of my league” or “She probably has a boyfriend.” All of these things you say to yourself are toxic. When you say these things out loud, you actually start to convince yourself that these excuses are facts. This is exactly why affirmations are so powerful. If you start to speak it, you will start believing it. You don’t need one more drink do dance, you’re just being soft. Soft men don’t get results.
This kind of attitude of falling for your own excuses starts to leak into other parts of your life. “I’m not going to ask my boss for a raise because he will probably get mad at me.” It just goes back to what we always talk about; once you get control over this problem area of your life, then you will start to be successful in other areas as well.
I’m not trying to say that the key to success in life is picking up women. That simply isn’t true. What I am trying to say is this; picking up women is obviously something you struggle with, so if you conquer this struggle you will be able to motivate yourself to conquer other struggles. If you are able to approach the hottest women in the field without fear, you will be able to approach the CEO of your company without even sweating it. It’s the same type of fear that stops you from doing both (and other things as well); the fear of failure or rejection.
If you can overcome the fear of failure/rejection in one part of your life, you can overcome that fear in other parts as well. Don’t let your excuses stop you from becoming successful. You also need to be able to recognize when you’re making an excuse, which requires you to objectively look at what you’re saying to yourself when you first consider approaching a girl.
Pierre VonAyre aka “The Professor”